The Art of Ass-Kissing

The age-old practice of brown-nosing (read: ass kissing) never grows out of date. It is actually getting more and more sophisticated over time.

Definition of Ass-Kisser

Thefreedictionary.com defines ass-kisser as a person who tries to please someone in order to gain a personal advantage. Ass kisser also commonly called crawler, sycophant, toady, lackey, apple polisher, boot licker, fawner, groveler, truckler. Also defined as someone who humbles himself as a sign of respect; who behaves as if he had no self-respect.

Ass-kisser sometimes can appear as an adulator, a flatterer - a person who uses flattery or a goody-goody - a person who behaves extremely well in order to please a superior.

Real Life Ass-Kisser

One example in a real life and recent situation is a story of an ass-kissing person (to be refer to as X) in a large corporate. X was actually rewarded for X's skill in licking the boss' butt. X was promoted not long after taking the boss' children out and about for several times.

Moments after being the boss' place (and shoulder) for a personal chats. The ass-kisser is a sweet-talker known for his/her tenacity and perseverance in the boot-licking field, received a considerable salary increase and a position which is not actually suitable for X's capacity. Most people refer to this as "the culmination of an intensive campaign of shameless glad-handing and insincere admiration that X's been pursuing.”

Some envious colleagues said that X lacks original ideas (often quoted people's ideas and admitting them to be his/her idea) and relentless flattery of superiors would hold X back. But hey.... Xis a living proof that fawning yes-man/woman do succeed in this world. Known to co-workers for the absurdly transparent insincerity in social relations and the incredibly irritating habit of busy bodying around the office without ever doing anything.

Xis exactly the sort of sniveling apple-polisher the boss was looking for. X used to be seen strolling around the boss' room for at least 15 times a day! And whenever in a meeting X is never EVER argue with him, which made other colleagues look bad for arguing with the boss. X always lets the boss have his way. X never tells that the boss is wrong—ever. X's knee-jerk instantaneous validation of everything the boss say will no doubt enable him/her to go far.

Out-smarting creditable co-workers

Though X's unflagging sucking up to superiors was the key to a career advancement, the instinctive knack for taking credit for the work of others also played a major role. By positioning X-self near those employees whose ideas are consistently successful, and then smiling effusively whenever the boss was around, X was able to foster the illusion that X had actually made meaningful contributions to the company.

In this manner, X was able to steal a significant amount of the credit for their achievements, reaping the rewards of others' work in order to fulfill X own personal goals. Though most coworkers and other highly qualified employees passed over great resentment toward X and and the relentless ass-kissing crusade, X is unconcerned about their negative views.

One co-worker said, “You know that voice high-school boys use when they're smooth talking to their girlfriend? Or when a woman tried talking her boyfriend out of buying her a really expensive jewelry? Well, that's how X sounds all the time.”

10 signs your co-worker is an ass-kisser

Ass-kissing is sometimes mistaken for being nice. Being nice is saying get well soon if the boss is not coming up to work from a common cold. Being an ass kisser getting as quickly as you can to his home to be his shoulder to cry on or his maid. Being nice is getting him a new tie for his birthday. Being an ass kisser is getting his son a new toy for no reason.

Here some signs that your co-worker (might be) an ass-kisser:

1. Most likely is a person with the excessive smile.

2. Come by to the boss' room for AT LEAST 10 times a day.

3. Often babysits the boss' children.

4. Frequently give presents to the boss (and his/her children).

5. Taking credit for other people's ideas.

6. Complimenting the boss' car as “the prettiest thing”, when actually he's driving a piece of junk.

7. Send the boss a large bouquet after getting an undeserved promotion.

8. Follows the boss around with love-struck-puppy-eyes.

9. Taking the boss' children for a day out on the weekend.

10. Getting food for the boss at an office party.

11. You name the rest.