Ah... the unusual reasons we cried

Have you ever weep? I rarely weep, but when I did, I usually wept like a baby. I wept like a baby whose candies been taken out by some bully when:

The day I was chosen as PermataBank Union Leader. The situation was pretty much "supportive" of that as so many of my fellow activists were being laid-off. Some for the true reason that they didn't perform well, some merely because they were outspoken (if not loud) of their opinion. I shouldn't have been crying, I should be angry instead.

The sick-sick-sicko King Joffrey beheaded Ned Stark in Game of Thrones' Baelor Episode. It was a rare moment on network television. TV usually tends to make viewers happy, to keep them interested. Yet, Game of Thrones manages to staple me to my seat to watch the rest of the scene till finished. I cried with  Arya Stark as we watch Ned Stark beheaded.

The skinny jeans is on trend since I knew I would never pull it off. I know it's been so long ago and yet it's still here and I'm still not over it. Aaarrhhhh!!!

I got my first running injury like 2.5 months ago. The injury still won't go away. I secretly wish that everyone would stop telling me to do Yoga and mind their own business. You don't know the half of it. You have no idea what I went through so don't act like you do and that Yoga is the answer to all problems. Enough with the Yoga Snobbery. I would do Yoga if my doctor asked me to (and by doctor I mean the ruggedly handsome physician I secretly had a crush on - won't tell). 

I watched A Walk to Remember. Yeah, I know it's a lame movie, but I have to admit on having a big rush on Mandy Moore at one time. Not in her pale state during the movie, but after the movie was released. I think she's hot.

The day Denny Duquette (Grey's Anatomy) died. I cried like a baby, I mean really cried. I am still crying. That episode was pretty much kill my interest in the series. Then Dr. Preston Burke walked out of Grey's Anatomy. He was the only reason I watched it in the first place.

There, I said it. 

Daily Talk Show at The Office

As target gets higher we tend to achieve higher. That is what expected of us, workers that are trying to make ends meet and companies that are thriving for growth. Thank goodness I am blessed with a hardworking - and sometimes when needed - a smart-working team. 

What we don't expect (and cannot stand) are office chatters. Sure, we all love to chat, a little gossip wouldn't hurt also. I sometimes chat with my team, just to relieve tension off work for about 5 minutes. The key is to prevent a work atmosphere that's unpleasant or oppressed. I consider chatting with my team as a morale builder. We usually chat around 10 am, near lunch break and near the end of office hour. Each usually lasted no longer than 10 minutes. 

Around the office, we usually chat after spending many hours sitting in our chairs, WORKING. But lately, the office chatters is just too noisy to bare. 

These chatter have a specific pattern. 

Arrived late at the office. 

Turn on the computer. 

Check their email for about 5 minutes while waiting for their confidante to arrive. 

Chat for about 2 hours and then supposedly "working".

Chat all the way through lunch time. 

Lunch. 

Chat some more till 2.30 pm. 

Say hello to the computer (working) for about 30 minutes.

Chat some more.

Go home earlier than anybody else.

Gee what a happy life they have.

My earphones are always very dependable as chatter-blocker, especially when he's in the next cube. He usually chat on the phone, not too loud actually. But very often his team would come to his desk, working together using his computer, or just to have a chat (surprise-surprise).These chatters always work together, i mean ALL THE TIME.  My team, we can't afford to work on all assignment TOGETHER. Plus, getting my team to complete my work in my computer would be like... WELL.... LIKE I HAVEN'T GOT THE SKILL NOR KNOWLEDGE TO DO MY JOB.  Aside from the noise thing, I mean: REALLY?

Okay, back to the noise thing. The chatter usually clutter next to my desk at my chatter coworker workstation. They can spend at least 4 hours daily sitting, talking and laughing next to my desk. I've had it up to here (my head) with them. I mean: FUCK-OFF.

The day I left my earphones at home is the day I curse and usually ends in me buying another pair of earphones. I now officially own 4 earphones, thank you. But how long can my ear tolerate loud volume, I'm not sure. So I initiate in escalating this to the boss without mentioning any name, wouldn't wanna be recognize as the office tattle-tale. As a result there was a rearrangement of office layout, my team move in with me and he moves out with his team (the other chatters). Now they can live chattily ever after.

My most major homework is my team, keeping their spirit up. Not giving them a chance to question our line of work. We have a lot in hand tasks, that are seem to expand more and more each day. While the chatter can refer to working as: we are very relaxed in our work here compared to our previous employee. Gee that's good. MORE CHATTING, EH?

One of these days I will escalate this thing to my boss and see what he will do, considering he is one of the major chatter himself. 

If this issue remains unresolved, I guess, later I would have to escalate to Human Capital on a larger scale, for the continuity of my team.

Crazy Bitch is Talking

Our life can end like this (snapping finger).

If God sees things that way.

Let's remind ourselves: we are still young, in our thirties, thus we still have like at least 30 more years to breathe? Who can tell that I will be able to reach average age? Who can tell that I will reach even to my forties? Even tomorrow?

Are we really that close to God to know these things? To know when our end is coming. This body has an expiry date somewhere. Where's that tag? You think God will ever let you find that tag?

Like food, expiry date comes without a warning. It's not like: it's 3 days to D-Day and we can taste the food coming to a waste. Totally not like that. It's like the food still taste good on D-Day, if we're willing to take that risk.

Okay, I'm slipping away right here. A little disoriented perhaps.

My point is: death comes without a warning. It's not like Izrail is gonna send you an email notification 3 days prior to your death.

If death comes without a warning, then how come I feel my time will come soon?

After 3 Years, I Decide to Write "about me"

I’m a pretty complicated person, don’t try to understand me. Chances are you’ll be completely wrong. There are so many things that make me who I am, and some you’ll never understand.

Don’t judge me based on what you read or see, you’ll probably end up completely wrong. I’m not going to say I’m different from anyone else you’ll ever meet, because honestly, I’m not.

My music player is my best friend. In terms of music, I’m the weirdest lady you’ll ever meet, plain and simple. I’m me, and that’s something no one else can ever be. I enjoy Belle & Sebastian. On the other side I love Kanye West and his larger than life ego. Male ego tend to attracts me so much more than inferior feeling. 

If we don’t know each other I’ll be extremely shy, but if we’re close there’s a chance you’ll want to sew my mouth shut.

For someone my age, I’ve been through a lot. I believe everything happens for a reason. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and learned from them.

I’m single, and it doesn’t bother me. I’m not looking for that perfect prince charming. I want something, someone real. Even though I’m single, it doesn’t give you the right to flirt with me. Have some respect, yeah?

When it comes to my own problems, I’m very pessimistic. But towards other people's struggles, I’m the most optimistic person in the world.

I have a split personality. I live half my life like I’m seven, and the other half like I’m fifty-seven.

I enjoy raining season, except for my allergy to cold weather.

I am what I am and I don’t care what anyone thinks, if you have a problem with me, then that is your problem.

I feel like I never get enough sleep, and I’m almost always tired.

I love my Samsung Galaxy S and hate (but secretly like my crackberry), and I think that makes me a little bit hypocrite, don't you think? ;)

I stand up for what I believe in, even if it means standing alone.

I’m shy yet outgoing, loud yet quiet. An angel, yet a devil. I’m a walking contradiction.

I hate improper spelling and grammar, I don’t know why but I find it extremely annoying.

I don’t take compliments well, I’m insanely self conscious and I never really believe them when they’re said to me. I tend to be cautious of a very sweet compliment. Afraid that the sweetness will give me diabetes.

In the end, I’m just another person on this planet who’s bound to be forgotten.

You think you’d know me pretty well after reading my "about me", but in all honesty: I’ve barely scratched the surface of ‘about me.’ If you don’t like what you read then sweet, I really couldn’t care less. I really am a nice person in the end, so talk to me. I won’t bite.

Life, take it or leave it, is a bitch. It’s not fair and it never will be.

Crushed: Blackest Version of Medina

Have you ever seen the face of betrayal?

Have you ever seen the face of a betrayed person?

Have you ever feel betrayed? Badly betrayed.

Have you ever feel everyone's been doing whatever they like without Virna Medina in mind? Like Virna Medina is invisible. Like Virna Medina is just this device or tool they're using to fulfill their needs.

Well I have now, to all of the above.

http://www.parallellinesmn.com/photos/erica/Betrayal.jpg

Feels like I’m hitting rock bottom where I find no one to trust, no one to rely on but me, trying to hang on to whatever left of me.

Desperation is not my style, but I can't help feeling like it when betrayed.

This hatred inside me is so strong.

This urge to kill and destroy whatever I laid eyes on.

No more Ms. Nice Girl, clearly Ms. Nice Girl it's not working.

http://divyanovel.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/anger2-747499.jpg

God help me, I need to apply drastic measure now.

Patching Code: #02112009

Me. Humanoid, beta version. Need an update. Need to be patched.

Nature send a certain code, a certain strain of update.

Finally. Patching will lead to perfection.
Finally... a hint of pain surface.



Hate it, hence it's inevitable.
Helpless but not hopeless.

Patching will lead to perfection.
Enter.

Humanoid, Beta Version

Here I am, staring at this blank page.

Mindless, I am not.

Not knowing what to write, when I've got so much to tell.

Not knowing what to share, when so much had happened.

Not knowing what to hear, when so many sounds are played.

Not knowing how to tell, when so many words are ready to be spoken.

Not knowing how to act, when I'm playing so many parts.

Not knowing how to see, when I visualize them oh so vividly it hurts.

Mindless, I am not.

Just being myself, my old self, my human self, my limited self, my weak self... with both hands in my head.

Me. Humanoid, beta version. Need an update. Need to be patched.

Have You Ever Been Desperately in Need for a Sentimental Valium?

I have. In fact, it hit me just now. I need to be inspired.

I need pain (no I am not a masochist!).

I need to cry (I've always thought I'm a major weeper, turns out I am not).

I need to feel angry (I haven't been angry with someone in like a century).

I need to feel awful (I always feel everything is going to work well.. all the time).

I need to punch someone, for punching's sake (I need emotions in my toll free life)

I need to be sentimental (I'd watch those soapy movies if I have to - but I can't stand them)

OMG... I need to get me a "boring valium". It's like a valium for people, who've just been hit by boredom.

I need mini "catastrophic" or just a simple turbulence in my life. In a good way.


I need some REAL LIFE DRAMA.

Mr. Negative

Have you ever met someone that is sooooooooo....negative, you just want to get him/her to eat a bowl of the cruelest and freshest wasabi or jalapeno pepper (minus the sushi or the taco)?

Have you ever met someone who has never said (not once) positive remark on others?

The negativity is so real and so obvious, you were wondering who hurt this person, always very angry at the world.

Then again...you secretly imagine you could actually hurt this person, for real!

Eminem...(looking good) the loud and foul mouthed rapper, who actually make a living out of being Mr. Negative. I was wondering if this person idolizes Eminem.

How do you handle this kind of person?

Being with this person frequently (sometimes on a daily basis), how do you keep yourself from punching him/her in the face and still hopes that you maintain your own positivity and sanity?

Hard and never ending work my friends....

Oh

How so vulnerable human being is....

How not so, if an absence of one simple thing makes us feel oh so powerless.

A simple item such as cellphone missing from your everyday life. Oh...how it can expose your feeling as a powerless being.


Oh no...the cellphone is here alright...it's the network that's gone missing.

My sim card...the "great" Indosat Matrix broke down again for the umpteenth time.

Furious? Yes.

Angry? Definitely.


Oh my angry self was writing some mental complaint and inappropriate remarks to say but I was also curious. Can I live without it? This is the main cellphone I'm talking about. I have another one with only about 30 numbers listed and only a few people know.

Oh...the curiosity won. I let the problem linger for about 5 days. Why so long? I was trying to live and breathe without it for a while....the damn thing. I wanted to try living without it.

Living? Of course.

Breathing? Barely.........

I feel like was gasping for air the time it happened.
Suddenly the world is this giant frightening place with very little air supply.

Oh....... the simple and happy life without cellphone...will it ever return?

PS: oh well...I finally get the damn thing replaced today.... and yes...the lazy ass that I am... I decided to stay with the current provider...

How to Spot a Drama King/Queen?

You know this person. He always seem to make mountains out of a pile of grass. She always manages to be stressed by small events.

Interacting with this person is very exhausting, you often mumble or comment something like:
"I wish he wasn't such a drama king" or "there she goes again...sweating over small stuff"

Or probably you ARE the one receiving such comments from your friends and family? :)


How to tell if someone or YOURSELF is a drama king or queen?

1. This person can't seem to control her emotion. Always make a big deal out of everything.

2. Every words coming from his mouth is all about him, he thinks he's all that! All that he ever talks about is himself, being the coolest person on earth.

3. This human species always panicking all the time and the next morning seem to having a permanent memory loss of the previous day incident of having burden everyone with his problem.

4. A self-consumed man who likes to stir up drama. For instance: he might like to cause cat fights between two women for the pleasure derived from seeing two women fight over him.
Now, here's the difference between Drama King and Drama Queen: A Drama Queen overreacts over anything. A Drama King enjoys drawing these traits out in those around him. Especially if it can draw more attention to himself. In other words: a self obsessed SOB. The girls are screaming at each other! And Look at the drama king. He is just eating this up.

5. He or She is an attention whore, narcissist, self-centered and self-absorbed person (in today words: banci tampil).

6. Always complaining on everything! I mean EVERYTHING is always the worst to him/her. This is the worst day EVER. This is the worst coffee EVER. This is the crappiest movie EVER.

7. He thinks his life is on a crisis proportion, way bigger that the Palestinian. Puhleez!!! Get over yourself.

Hey Drama King/Queen, you are toxic to me, to us..and you know what....the complaint department is closed!

You dramatic narcissist weirdo! :p