Crazy Bitch is Talking

Our life can end like this (snapping finger).

If God sees things that way.

Let's remind ourselves: we are still young, in our thirties, thus we still have like at least 30 more years to breathe? Who can tell that I will be able to reach average age? Who can tell that I will reach even to my forties? Even tomorrow?

Are we really that close to God to know these things? To know when our end is coming. This body has an expiry date somewhere. Where's that tag? You think God will ever let you find that tag?

Like food, expiry date comes without a warning. It's not like: it's 3 days to D-Day and we can taste the food coming to a waste. Totally not like that. It's like the food still taste good on D-Day, if we're willing to take that risk.

Okay, I'm slipping away right here. A little disoriented perhaps.

My point is: death comes without a warning. It's not like Izrail is gonna send you an email notification 3 days prior to your death.

If death comes without a warning, then how come I feel my time will come soon?

Things People Say (or DON'T SAY) During Awkward Situation

Awkward Situation One
One friend @ work has this tremendously smelly body odor, so some of us took the liberty of putting a deodorant in a plastic bag on his table. The man reacted in the most shocking way: "whose is this?" asking his colleagues while holding the plastic bag. All of us looked at each other rather puzzled not knowing what to say. The guy called the office boy and handed over the deodorant to him. He whispered to one of us while pointing at this innocent guy at the corner: "that guy is smelly, I think he needs that deodorant badly."

Awkward Situation Two
I was talking to an acquaintance during a dinner with my coworkers.  The conversation suddenly bumps into a crossroads and no one knows where or how to spice it.  The silence has extended past the 10-second mark and the awkwardness is increasing exponentially. Worst of all, I was the last person to speak, so everyone thinks the awkwardness is my fault. 

Awkward Situation Three

Your friends have been trying to set you up with this supposedly charming guy and you are totally aware that you are in to him but will never admit in a million years that you've got the hots for him. Ever. The next day you and your friends were on a way to the nearest restaurant and bumps into the guy. He smiled from a far and you totally lost your grip and trip over your flat shoes (seriously). The guy smiled worriedly and came over saying: "kok bisa jatuh sih?" 

Awkward Situation Four

You are in a department store, really really liked this particular bag. You're trying to see whether the price fit your budget. Nope. No price tag. You're looking around to spot the shop assistant. Aha! Must be the plain Jane in the plain white shirt. You look her in the eyes and show her the bag. "Mba, can you help me with this?" The Plain Jane looked furious and answered: "How should I know? I'm also a customer"

It's Like Banging Your Head with a Hammer

Why do I keep banging my head with a hammer?

Because it felt so good when I stopped. 

Doesn't mean that I'm a masochist, no sir.

Well, I kinda felt like that yesterday, post of my first experience of participating in a race, well... short distance race that is, approx 5K running. Or should I say, running altered with walking in my case. But I give myself a better credit, not bad for a beginner like me, completing 5K (with no training whatsoever) in approx 38 mins.

For a beginner like me... well... I kinda like myself after wards...  I love me, I love the feeling of completing the race. The relieve feeling, it's like a mind blowing bleeding experience, a good one.

I'm looking forward to experience that feeling once more ...(the pain and the mind blowing relieve).

What Are Your Guilty Pleasures?

I am now inside my room, browsing the internet and blogging...... wearing a very loose batik daster/caftan (it's like a caftan made of batik) while listening to Britney Spears' Toxic and other songs on my guilty pleasures play list.

Sooo..... what is a guilty pleasure anyway? How do you define that? I found myself having a hard time putting it into words, so I turned to yet another guilty pleasure: the internet. Dictionary.com and Wikipedia came up blank on the concept. Google didn't acknowledge it as a whole concept (define: guilty; define: pleasure).

So, I just have to come up with my own definitions:
1. Guilty pleasures are things that I like but having a hard time admitting to anyone.
2. Guilty pleasures are songs that I listen to (i.e. Britney, NKOTB) but sure as hell wouldn't wear their t-shirt in public.
3. Guilty pleasures are things that I enjoy doing although I know it's baaaaaad for me.
4. Guilty pleasures are things that I enjoy but ashamed to admit.
5. Etc.

Hah!! Talking about music taste, this is really not my taste (for most of the times). But I have to say I secretly enjoy listen to these songs when I'm feeling kinda crappy. What are the others? Well... to name a few: The right stuff by NKOTB (^_^), Material Girl by Madonna and Boyzone's No Matter What.

Daster/Caftan
And I'm not yet getting into the daster/caftan part. It's really really a comfy piece of clothes, as I can eat whatever I want while wearing it.


Food
Ok, so I don't have a hard time admitting that I like oily and very spicy belacan fried rice (with sunny side egg) and cakes, but I have a hard time feeling good after finishing a big plate of fried rice and later a thick slice of choco fudge cake, accompanied by mocha ice blend, with extra whipped cream. Peanuts, chocolate and ice creams are my weaknesses. I enjoy life a tad too much sometimes.

Music & Film
The likes of Britney and NKOTB for sure. Also a little Air Supply and The Bee Gees (shock right?). I also have a whole box set of Jane Austen Romance Movies. My favorite is Pride & Prejudice.

I have six versions of Pride & Prejudice Movies:
1. 1940 BW version starring Greer Garson and Lawrence Olivier (my fave version).

2. 1980 AE version (downloaded from the internet)

3. 1995 BBC version starring Colin Firth (my least fave - bought the box set in Lahore, Pakistan in 2004). I think Jennifer Ehle is too cynical and serious, kinda ruin the Lizzie character.

4. 2003 Indian version starring Aishwarya Rai

5. 2003 modern version (downloaded)
6. 2005 version starring Keira Knightley and Matt McFadyen (I have to say he's my favorite Mr. Darcy, he gave me mixed emotions: anger, annoyance, excitement, compassion and love)

Apart from movies, Grey's Anatomy and Vampire Diaries are my current TV obsession. Heroes used to be one, but the show become so ugly it's no longer a guilty pleasure, more like a public annoyance, like Sinetron.

Books
I like historical romance novels.... yeah. Jane Austen's I enjoy, but not exactly embarrassed to admit. I like the cheesy ones. There. I said it. This is one of 'em.

Crushed: Blackest Version of Medina

Have you ever seen the face of betrayal?

Have you ever seen the face of a betrayed person?

Have you ever feel betrayed? Badly betrayed.

Have you ever feel everyone's been doing whatever they like without Virna Medina in mind? Like Virna Medina is invisible. Like Virna Medina is just this device or tool they're using to fulfill their needs.

Well I have now, to all of the above.

http://www.parallellinesmn.com/photos/erica/Betrayal.jpg

Feels like I’m hitting rock bottom where I find no one to trust, no one to rely on but me, trying to hang on to whatever left of me.

Desperation is not my style, but I can't help feeling like it when betrayed.

This hatred inside me is so strong.

This urge to kill and destroy whatever I laid eyes on.

No more Ms. Nice Girl, clearly Ms. Nice Girl it's not working.

http://divyanovel.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/anger2-747499.jpg

God help me, I need to apply drastic measure now.

New Moon Doesn't Bite. Not Even a Scratch......

"It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest," Bella says.

Well... watching New Moon was just like punching a huge hole through my brain and twirl it around. Yes... it is THAT bad.

I feel underestimated by the way the movie represent the female lead, the sad and naive Bella Swan.

There is no message to speak of... well, not a good one, anyway. There seem to be three here that are particularly wrong to be sending to the intended teenage female audience.

The first is about the importance of external beauty. The second is about how life is not worth living without a man. The third is about how infatuation equals love, and that when you "love" someone, you should give up everything for them, even if it's dangerous to your well-being.

New Moon romanticizes the idea of suicide, and also Bella’s obsession over vampires.

Lastly, New Moon may be unoriginal and flimsy, but... thanks to Jacob Black and his werewolves pack, they made me sit through the whole story. Although I find it's hard to digest how a 16-17 years old boy can be so.... buff, so built.


Perhaps it should simply be taken as mindless fun; you can enjoy it as long as you don't use your brain too much (i.e., at all). So when you're watching the movie, just "Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream..."

The Coffee Mug Ballad

I have this favorite mug that I use at work.
Each morning, this mug represents the first activity I do at work.

A year ago, it was this blue taller but slimmer mug.
I used to fill it with my tubruk coffee (Singa brand of course).


I remember approximately one year ago when this person (a lady colleague) was caught using my blue mug and I went ballistic. Clearly, she'd never expect to find me so freak out before.
I undergo a radical change from a normal person into this witch lady.


I have this problem with someone using my coffee mug (at work).
If they have no mug, instead of lending them mine, I would buy them a new one instead.

And today, during my leave (to study for this particular tryout tomorrow), someone reported that this person (a particular male species) planned to use my Orange Coffee Mug.


Luckily, our Office Boy prevented him from using it, mentioning that I will be infuriated if I ever found out. Yeah... I am this crazy, paranoid lady when it comes to my possessions, especially my coffee mug.

LEAVE MY COFFEE MUG ALONE!

Patching Code: #02112009

Me. Humanoid, beta version. Need an update. Need to be patched.

Nature send a certain code, a certain strain of update.

Finally. Patching will lead to perfection.
Finally... a hint of pain surface.



Hate it, hence it's inevitable.
Helpless but not hopeless.

Patching will lead to perfection.
Enter.

Humanoid, Beta Version

Here I am, staring at this blank page.

Mindless, I am not.

Not knowing what to write, when I've got so much to tell.

Not knowing what to share, when so much had happened.

Not knowing what to hear, when so many sounds are played.

Not knowing how to tell, when so many words are ready to be spoken.

Not knowing how to act, when I'm playing so many parts.

Not knowing how to see, when I visualize them oh so vividly it hurts.

Mindless, I am not.

Just being myself, my old self, my human self, my limited self, my weak self... with both hands in my head.

Me. Humanoid, beta version. Need an update. Need to be patched.

Creativity vs Freedom

I have a wandering mind...here's my latest quest

Just don't get permissive people.

Is it a popularity contest or just trying to be one of the crowd?

What's wrong with a little boundary?
Boundary makes us more creative, not absolut freedom. There is very little creativity (and fun) - if not none - in absolut freedom.

You don't get to feel the excitement and satisfaction.

Hunger is No Issue

As I get older (and hopefully wiser), I do not feel the thirst and hunger during shaum. When I was little or younger I remember the most difficult thing about shaum is the hunger (and thirst) thing.

I have a big appetite for a lady :p

Especially when it comes to cakes, nasi goreng and japanese foodies..yummm (still have the craving for salmon belly soup).




The hunger feeling was hard to ignore, yet harder to satisfied as it is impossible to "accidentally" swallow a plate of meal. But the thirst thing is easier...

During my pre-teen year, when taking wudhu sometimes I "accidentally" swallow the water or let it linger a little bit longer in my mouth...

As I get bigger and entering my teen years, it became easier.

But now, as I'm in my twenties (ahem!), hunger and thirst are no longer an issue I have to struggle with.

Don't you agree that emotion is hard to control?

Especially when on my way to the office, having to cope with the motorcycles on the road. Sometimes I let my old and angry self slips away...cursing them and yelling at them. As I felt the blood of rage rush through my head... I say "astaghfirullah. Gue kan lagi puasa". Sometimes I can control it, but sometimes it just slips away.


I pray and pray and pray that God will guide me and help me control my furious self (I still do).

Liar Liar

They said you can spot a liar by seeing if the liar is telling something without looking at you in the eye. I disagree. Modern people are all liars. I've lied, you've lied. Everybody lies. Often directly to your face.

Sometimes you can actually see if the person is lying by thinking: "hmmmm he or she is not looking me in the eye" or just by "sensing". Me... being a positive person, I rarely caught if I've been lied to, in the past my radar towards liars was not working well.

Recently, I can spot a liar pretty easily.

The person can convincingly say something to me (eye contact, convincing tone, good language and all) but I still don't buy it.

Knowing that I can be lied to very easily, now I cross check everything this person said.

This person is a compulsive liar. Lies about everything, from identity to self accomplishments.

So, if by any chance you're reading this...dear compulsive liar: just stop it!

Or at least lie when you're sure I cannot cross check :p

(hey! can't help it! I am a self proclaimed detective).

Mr. Negative

Have you ever met someone that is sooooooooo....negative, you just want to get him/her to eat a bowl of the cruelest and freshest wasabi or jalapeno pepper (minus the sushi or the taco)?

Have you ever met someone who has never said (not once) positive remark on others?

The negativity is so real and so obvious, you were wondering who hurt this person, always very angry at the world.

Then again...you secretly imagine you could actually hurt this person, for real!

Eminem...(looking good) the loud and foul mouthed rapper, who actually make a living out of being Mr. Negative. I was wondering if this person idolizes Eminem.

How do you handle this kind of person?

Being with this person frequently (sometimes on a daily basis), how do you keep yourself from punching him/her in the face and still hopes that you maintain your own positivity and sanity?

Hard and never ending work my friends....

Believing is Seeing BEFORE The Presidential Election

Seeing is Believing or Believing is Seeing?

For modern people, seeing IS believing. They don't like to rely too much in "believing" without having to see first, including Indonesian. Ratio and logic create the post modern Indonesian, neglecting our signature "supernatural" thinking (GOD, the after life, doomsday, destiny, fate, etc).

Let me put it in a simple way. We have 3 presidential candidates. Mr. Lanjutkan, Mr. LCLB and That Other Lady Who Likes to Whine - Mrs. TOLWLW (below).

How do you describe each candidate (visually)?

Mmmm...let's "see".....

From left to right:

• Mr. SBY: Our current president. Physically large man. I can "see" that he's got a certain physical feature that makes me think of him as ill tempered (hmmm...I wonder why). Known as Mr. Lanjutkan (again, I wonder why).
• Mr. JK: our current vice president. Not as large and intimidating as his current partner, Mr. SBY. Looks like an older version of Charlie Chaplin. Currently famous as Mr. LCLB (the sooner the better -for what exactly?)
• Mrs. TOLWLW: our former president. Really? Physically she looks like an ordinary housewife. She's now going for another chance on the Istana Negara. Again? Really?

Stop right here about the visual descriptions.

Did I just say visual? Well... never-mind then.

See that my feelings and perception of these 3 candidates interfere with the so-called physical description. I describe (incidentally) in both physical and non-physical terms.

Have I seen them in person? Actually none. So... what makes me describe their non-physical virtue? My knowledge on what I see, hear and think of them based on their visual appearances on the media.

Seeing is believing.

So because they are unsighted, they don't or can't afford to believe.

This is just too disturbing a statement. I can't even go on, so let's just stop here on the unsighted.

In the end... whomever you vote for, you don't rely on visual description. Well... not 100%. You rely on your sense (and ratio). Again - debatable - as ratio tend to linked with "what's in it for me". Since only certain basis point of the citizen are likely to gain direct benefit from the winner, I'd have to assume that we vote sincerely hoping for a better Indonesia not only based on what we see but on what we believe we see.

Do I see him (sorry Mrs. TOLWLW) as a better candidate compared to the other? Not exactly.

I believe he can bring us closer to a better Indonesia.

Life is Like Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans

I've been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. Last week it seemed like I was being pulled in 13 different directions when all I really wanted to do was go to the cake shop and buy myself a high-fat-high-carb chocolate cake, with thick cream on top (you should try this one called Chocolate Indulgence, a definite guilty pleasure).


It was Friday night and I was hanging out with some friends at our usual place, an ice cream parlour, and as the spoon touch my lips, I felt my mind racing and write a mental post-it notes: I have to go to the gym, my aunt's birthday, go to a tahlil at a relative's house, write a blog post (which I am doing right now), go out with friends, take my family for our usual lunch weekend, clean my bookshelves, bla-bla-bla.

Aren't you tired of planning everything ahead? I know I do.

Is not planning everything makes me a sloppy Jane? Does that make me less of a person?
Control is good, for certain things, like your work. But the rest of it... you just need to let it loose sometimes.

I know I need it.

It's like eating Bertie Botts every flavour beans, you'll never know what you might get (you Harry Potter fan should be familiar with this).



I like getting the good flavours like chocolate and toffee. But how am I gonna sort which ones are the good ones unless I've experienced the icky ones? Not trying to get all weird and geeky here, but life is like that. Sometimes you get to experienced the delicious ones, but you can't avoid the crappier side like incidentally getting the vomit or rotten egg flavor.



It is the wonderful world of not knowing. It sucks! I love it! Don't you?

Cendol Like Audience @ Jason Mraz Show: Java Jazz 2009 Festival Success Indicator

We (me and my friend Ami) arrived at the crime scene at about 5.15, greeted by a long line of queu to enter the Festival. We religiously follow the line for about 5 mins and realize that there were 4 entrances and soon release ourselves from being an obedient liners. Our tickets were verified, bags were searched for food and beverages.

Thank God, my chocolates and bottled sugar free gum survived. I brought these just in case, learning from past concert experiences. I've watched people colapsed during concert from lack of sugar. Naaah....it's just my excuse to eat chocolate.



Mr. A-Z Stage

About a minute later we're busy searching for the Jason Mraz stage and manage to enter the stage in about 2 minutes after queing. The atmosphere wss there, allright. I mean, really, really, really.... crowded. We had to wait about 30 mins before the whole thing started.

Prior to that, Mike Idol appear on stage singing our national anthem Indonesia Raya (it's been a long time since I sang the sacred song). After that, Jason with his band appered.

On stage, Jason Mraz looked really comfy wearing an oversize gray t shirt and khaki cargo pants. Nevertheless, the guy did a good (if not great) job in entertaining the audience in Exhibition Hall B. His appearance immediately greeted by histerically screams from girls (and guys), including us. I mean, look at the guy, so simple and still captivating. Is that Zen or what?!

The first song, no doubt, gathered another histerical moment, "make it mine", followed with "the remedy". After that, "Lucky" and "I'm Yours" (this song was nominated song of the year @ the Grammy). The audience sang with his every song except for one or two numbers that were not as popular here, but still they were greatly performed by Mraz and the Band and followed religiously by the audience.

I was actually waiting for my favorite Mraz track: "Bella Luna", knowing that this is not a highly popular song here, but he played the song anyway and I thanked him for that.

Closer to the ending, Jason took the time in capturing his band members using a polaroid camera and throw it out to the audience. Too bad, we're not that close to the stage.

Mraz closed his performance with "Butterfly", the song that rocked the audience once again. Although we're not that close to the stage, we really enjoy his performance. The Grammy was not exaggerating by nominating "We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things" in a best engineered album category. His previous albums also rocks!

My verdict to Jason Mraz act at the Java Jazz Festival (060609):

1. A highly engineered performance: great voice, great band, great show!
2. Better than the album.
3. Highly engineered crew.
4. Highly motivated audience.
5. Special note for the audience: too much people there. My friend Reza (who were also there with his wife), refer to as sardine. I'd prefer to call it "cendol-like audience". (cendol is a delicious traditional drink from Indonesia - not sure if it's West Java or Medan). Some people, too anxious to see Jason, they were willing to be scoffed at.

25 (trivial) Things About Me

1. Having the word 'medina' as my name, I often being asked if I was born there, in Medina. I know it's a way of extending a conversation, but I dislike the question.

2. I'm terribly addicted to caffeine. I've tried to quit in the past, but when work pressure/stress increases, so does my caffeine intake. I'm always looking forward to my morning coffee at the office.

3. Gregory House fascinates me. I like 'broken' men.


4. I can tell when being lied to, I often asked questions to test if the person is lying.

5. I like the word 'zen' and would love to be a zen person, but don't think I'll ever be one, I'm not even 'zenish'.

6. I'm always suspicious of overly nice and sweet people, I'm afraid that they might gave me diabetes.


7. I can walk around the house (even climb the stairs) with my eyes closed.

8. I can crack open a pint of Ben & Jerry Magic Brownies and finish the whole thing at the same time.

9. My parents don't use their last name and so do I. Never know why, but doesn't mean that I'm not proud being an Alhadar.

10. The cruelest kind of torture? Listen to these songs around the clock: Power of Love, My Heart Will Go On, To Love You More (Celine Dion), I will do anything for you (Meatloaf), Boyz 2 Men songs, Mariah Carey songs, Firehouse songs.

11. I hardly ever (if not never) have runny nose (ew!), my great grandmother used to gave me ice cubes since I was 1 month old (bizarre but useful, huh?!).


12. I enjoy singing, even though I'm aware that my friends and family will go nuts listening to me.

13. I've had a major crush on Jordan Knight from NKOTB and Keanu Reeves, not anymore though.

14. I'm afraid of heights, a major weeper when it comes to playing outdoor games.

15. I've only been in love once in my life (I mean crazily-deeply-madly in love), the one that made you do stupid things.

16. Every time I got sick (even if it's only a common cold) I think of dying.

17. I like playing card games (especially troof).

18. I like to cook, even if sometimes they ended up not as I intended them to be.

19. I eat everything - from rice to fried bananas to crackers - with sambal.


20. I don't do mornings. I'm just not a morning person.

21. I like long holidays, but not for my pants. Holidays are bad for my pants.

22. It's hard for me to be close to someone, at first. But once they got to know me, they'll know that I'm not as arrogant as I look.

23. I wish I had Michael Knight's Car (KIT), since I secretly want to crash every motorcycles that got in my way every day on the road (without getting a single dent). They are really getting out of line, both in numbers AND behavior.


24. I know I'm not normal, and I've decided that I don't care. I listen to 'weird' music, watch 'quirky' films, I eat french fries with chocolate topping, I put pepper in my hot chocolate,

25. I treat my car as my home (you can find from CDs, magazines, DVDs, makeup kit, perfume, candies, clean clothes, boxes of shoes, everything....)

Inspiration is Everywhere and For Everyone!

Inspired by Presentation Zen's latest post on inspiration, I decide to post something similar. Call me a follower (ikut2an), not a copycat. Here's my version of the categories posted in the above mentioned site.

Who: My Mum & Dad (for being the coolest parents), Amien Rais for bringing us the new meaning of Reform, Round pegs in square holes (like Steve Jobs and Chloe Sevigny - for her brave fashion sense)


What: Picture of shimmering fields, Children Books, Movies about successful revenge, a perfect cup of coffee, a perfecly moist chocolate cake (made by me!)


Where: Tuscany (even though I've never been there, I just picture the place in my mind), Jakarta @ its worst (making me angry and anger is good for creativity)




When: Anytime, abruptly.

Why: I like to get inspired (inspiration boost your creativity) and loooove to be an inspiration to someone ;)

How: Open all my senses

Here I add a category,
Inspirational quote: Get busy living or get busy dying (from one of the most inspiring movie: The Shawshank Redemption).

What's your list?