You Can Call Her Queen Bee

Eat or be eaten seem to fit in almost every aspect of our life. Friendship certainly cant avoid this. Girls, hell.. women competing to be the most influential (at least in small groups) is channeling Gossip Girl.

The Queen Bee throne is getting more and more attractive to some. There's always Blair Waldorf and Serena. But there's also a Georgina Sparks and the out of place Jenny Humphrey. It's hard to decide who is the bitchiest of all.

Perhaps we should all take a good look in the mirror.

Ah... the unusual reasons we cried

Have you ever weep? I rarely weep, but when I did, I usually wept like a baby. I wept like a baby whose candies been taken out by some bully when:

The day I was chosen as PermataBank Union Leader. The situation was pretty much "supportive" of that as so many of my fellow activists were being laid-off. Some for the true reason that they didn't perform well, some merely because they were outspoken (if not loud) of their opinion. I shouldn't have been crying, I should be angry instead.

The sick-sick-sicko King Joffrey beheaded Ned Stark in Game of Thrones' Baelor Episode. It was a rare moment on network television. TV usually tends to make viewers happy, to keep them interested. Yet, Game of Thrones manages to staple me to my seat to watch the rest of the scene till finished. I cried with  Arya Stark as we watch Ned Stark beheaded.

The skinny jeans is on trend since I knew I would never pull it off. I know it's been so long ago and yet it's still here and I'm still not over it. Aaarrhhhh!!!

I got my first running injury like 2.5 months ago. The injury still won't go away. I secretly wish that everyone would stop telling me to do Yoga and mind their own business. You don't know the half of it. You have no idea what I went through so don't act like you do and that Yoga is the answer to all problems. Enough with the Yoga Snobbery. I would do Yoga if my doctor asked me to (and by doctor I mean the ruggedly handsome physician I secretly had a crush on - won't tell). 

I watched A Walk to Remember. Yeah, I know it's a lame movie, but I have to admit on having a big rush on Mandy Moore at one time. Not in her pale state during the movie, but after the movie was released. I think she's hot.

The day Denny Duquette (Grey's Anatomy) died. I cried like a baby, I mean really cried. I am still crying. That episode was pretty much kill my interest in the series. Then Dr. Preston Burke walked out of Grey's Anatomy. He was the only reason I watched it in the first place.

There, I said it. 

From Knee To You

Dear Medina

This is your knee. No, the one on the right. 

Idiot. 

Weren’t expecting to hear from me, were you? You thought maybe you could just coast through life doing whatever you want with me without having to worry about my feelings. And I’m not talking about EMOTIONAL feelings. I don’t even know what those are. I’m a knee. I thought I made that clear. I’m talking about PHYSICAL feelings like soreness, swelling, aching, throbbing, burning….starting to sound familiar? The kinds of feelings that you seem to think a couple of Advil and an ice pack can make go away forever. 

Wrong! 

Idiot. 

Look, I don’t mind you using me. I love it when we go running together. I’m literally BUILT for that. And to be fair, we’ve had some good times together. Like the 41:21 in that 10K race in May. That was a good time. And the 41:05 we posted in April. That was even better. But in case you lost count, allow me to remind you that you’ve limped into the doctor’s office 10 TIMES this year, and there’s a reason for that: You and I are in an abusive relationship. 

There, I said it. Boy, that felt good- to finally get it out in the open like that! A real weight off my shoulders. Yes, I realize that I don’t ACTUALLY have shoulders. Don’t be a smart-a*rse. That was a metaphor. 

Let’s get realistic: I’m not what I used to be. And that means YOU’RE not what you used to be. So quit trying so hard to be what you used to be! 


It started with that arthroscopic surgery 20 years ago. What a blast that was! Did I forget to thank you for that? BECAUSE I SHOULD REALLY HAVE THANKED YOU FOR THAT. (Yes, knees know what sarcasm is) We had to sit on our a*rse for months after that, and then you basically bailed on the physical therapy – bad idea. Just because you saw a cheap little plastic model of me in the waiting room that day doesn’t mean you KNOW me. I’m very complex! And I deserve to be treated right. But you thought I could just return to work without the proper recovery. 

Wrong! Again! 

Idiot! 

So 10 years go by and I literally carry your sorry a*rse along until finally I can’t take it anymore and I “fail”. That’s what the doctor said: “Your knee failed.” I failed?!?! Like YOU had nothing to do with it?!?! I don’t care how many degrees that guy had on his wall, he got that diagnosis backward. All that cartilage you took out of me in the first operation; all that muscle you lost around me and never bothered getting back; the fact that one of my favorite and most supportive ligaments was now nothing more than a piece of some dead guy’s butt muscle! Oh, but I failed! 

So you had me “reconstructed” and put me right back to work, and 10 years later…Mr. Right Hip started to complain. To quote Gomer Pyle, “Surr-PRISE, Surr-PRISE!!!” 

“Why?” you asked the next doctor. Allow me. It’s because you didn’t take care of ME! And I had to ask Mr. Right Hip for too much help, and after a while he was like, “Hey, what the hell is going on here?” and decided to “fail” you, too. Something about a “torn labrum”. 


So, now what? Replace us? You really think you can just REPLACE us? Well…okay, I guess maybe you can. But it wouldn’t be the same! You would miss us. You’d see. 

So I’ll tell you what you do…idiot. (Okay, sorry about that last “idiot”. Lots of hard feelings here.) First of all, QUIT being an idiot and start doing EXACTLY what that parade of physical therapists has been telling you to do. And KEEP doing it until I and Mr. Right Hip say it’s okay for you to start using us again like we’re all still 23 years old. We are NOT 23 years old anymore - - but we’re also not done yet. So do your bridges and your clams and your wall-sits, because I REALLY want to get back out there and show those 23-year-olds exactly what we’re still capable of. Brats. 

Sincerely, 

Your Right Knee 


Source: Runner's World Mar 2012
I did change the name at the beginning, to get that sense of ownership. I'll also staple this to my fridge as a constant reminder.

After 3 Years, I Decide to Write "about me"

I’m a pretty complicated person, don’t try to understand me. Chances are you’ll be completely wrong. There are so many things that make me who I am, and some you’ll never understand.

Don’t judge me based on what you read or see, you’ll probably end up completely wrong. I’m not going to say I’m different from anyone else you’ll ever meet, because honestly, I’m not.

My music player is my best friend. In terms of music, I’m the weirdest lady you’ll ever meet, plain and simple. I’m me, and that’s something no one else can ever be. I enjoy Belle & Sebastian. On the other side I love Kanye West and his larger than life ego. Male ego tend to attracts me so much more than inferior feeling. 

If we don’t know each other I’ll be extremely shy, but if we’re close there’s a chance you’ll want to sew my mouth shut.

For someone my age, I’ve been through a lot. I believe everything happens for a reason. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and learned from them.

I’m single, and it doesn’t bother me. I’m not looking for that perfect prince charming. I want something, someone real. Even though I’m single, it doesn’t give you the right to flirt with me. Have some respect, yeah?

When it comes to my own problems, I’m very pessimistic. But towards other people's struggles, I’m the most optimistic person in the world.

I have a split personality. I live half my life like I’m seven, and the other half like I’m fifty-seven.

I enjoy raining season, except for my allergy to cold weather.

I am what I am and I don’t care what anyone thinks, if you have a problem with me, then that is your problem.

I feel like I never get enough sleep, and I’m almost always tired.

I love my Samsung Galaxy S and hate (but secretly like my crackberry), and I think that makes me a little bit hypocrite, don't you think? ;)

I stand up for what I believe in, even if it means standing alone.

I’m shy yet outgoing, loud yet quiet. An angel, yet a devil. I’m a walking contradiction.

I hate improper spelling and grammar, I don’t know why but I find it extremely annoying.

I don’t take compliments well, I’m insanely self conscious and I never really believe them when they’re said to me. I tend to be cautious of a very sweet compliment. Afraid that the sweetness will give me diabetes.

In the end, I’m just another person on this planet who’s bound to be forgotten.

You think you’d know me pretty well after reading my "about me", but in all honesty: I’ve barely scratched the surface of ‘about me.’ If you don’t like what you read then sweet, I really couldn’t care less. I really am a nice person in the end, so talk to me. I won’t bite.

Life, take it or leave it, is a bitch. It’s not fair and it never will be.

Somebody Has To Say This ......

First of all, it is not cool to ask your friends for a cup of coffee and then completely ignoring them by keeping busy with your crack-berry.

Second of all, it is the exact opposite of cool for you to blame your sub ordinate in public, especially if your boss is among them. Why? You do the math.

3. New Moon is a lot more annoying than its predecessor, no matter how thick Edward Cullen's foundation is and even more if it is waterproof.

4. It is not OK to lie publicly, I can see your nose keeps getting longer and longer.

5. Sinetron is really, REALLY getting on my nerves... what's with all the drama and intrigue? The world is crazy already, no need to make it more complicated with impossible storyline.

6. What's with all the prejudice about coffee? Coffee is the best damn thing that happen to us (workers) each morning, without it, most of us would be sleeping and yawning instead of working.

Seventh of all, there is this tendencies of younger people committing suicide? Come on, we're not that desperate right? Just punch someone, drink gallons of coffee or eat lots and lots of carbs... but suicide? It's a major NO!! Just (DON'T) do it.

8. Sometimes we use the phrase: It's nothing personal. So what if I wanna make it personal? What's wrong with being personal?

9. It is totally uncool for you to form your opinion on someone you've just met. I get the "first impression" thingy, but come on... you've known someone like 6 months and then suddenly BAM! You're the best judge of character? Get your own life managed before start criticizing others.

10. It is totally annoying, not to mention uncool and make you look insecure, when asking why we're not married yet. Are you trying to make yourself look better by belittling others? come on, you can do better than that. If you can't come up with a brilliant conversation topic, just SHUT UP!

Lastly, IT IS TOTALLY COOL AND OKAY TO BE A BITCH (SOMETIMES).

Oh ... and Happy Hijriah New Year .. now that I've spilled all my beans...

The Coffee Mug Ballad

I have this favorite mug that I use at work.
Each morning, this mug represents the first activity I do at work.

A year ago, it was this blue taller but slimmer mug.
I used to fill it with my tubruk coffee (Singa brand of course).


I remember approximately one year ago when this person (a lady colleague) was caught using my blue mug and I went ballistic. Clearly, she'd never expect to find me so freak out before.
I undergo a radical change from a normal person into this witch lady.


I have this problem with someone using my coffee mug (at work).
If they have no mug, instead of lending them mine, I would buy them a new one instead.

And today, during my leave (to study for this particular tryout tomorrow), someone reported that this person (a particular male species) planned to use my Orange Coffee Mug.


Luckily, our Office Boy prevented him from using it, mentioning that I will be infuriated if I ever found out. Yeah... I am this crazy, paranoid lady when it comes to my possessions, especially my coffee mug.

LEAVE MY COFFEE MUG ALONE!

Patching Code: #02112009

Me. Humanoid, beta version. Need an update. Need to be patched.

Nature send a certain code, a certain strain of update.

Finally. Patching will lead to perfection.
Finally... a hint of pain surface.



Hate it, hence it's inevitable.
Helpless but not hopeless.

Patching will lead to perfection.
Enter.

Humanoid, Beta Version

Here I am, staring at this blank page.

Mindless, I am not.

Not knowing what to write, when I've got so much to tell.

Not knowing what to share, when so much had happened.

Not knowing what to hear, when so many sounds are played.

Not knowing how to tell, when so many words are ready to be spoken.

Not knowing how to act, when I'm playing so many parts.

Not knowing how to see, when I visualize them oh so vividly it hurts.

Mindless, I am not.

Just being myself, my old self, my human self, my limited self, my weak self... with both hands in my head.

Me. Humanoid, beta version. Need an update. Need to be patched.