From Knee To You

Dear Medina

This is your knee. No, the one on the right. 

Idiot. 

Weren’t expecting to hear from me, were you? You thought maybe you could just coast through life doing whatever you want with me without having to worry about my feelings. And I’m not talking about EMOTIONAL feelings. I don’t even know what those are. I’m a knee. I thought I made that clear. I’m talking about PHYSICAL feelings like soreness, swelling, aching, throbbing, burning….starting to sound familiar? The kinds of feelings that you seem to think a couple of Advil and an ice pack can make go away forever. 

Wrong! 

Idiot. 

Look, I don’t mind you using me. I love it when we go running together. I’m literally BUILT for that. And to be fair, we’ve had some good times together. Like the 41:21 in that 10K race in May. That was a good time. And the 41:05 we posted in April. That was even better. But in case you lost count, allow me to remind you that you’ve limped into the doctor’s office 10 TIMES this year, and there’s a reason for that: You and I are in an abusive relationship. 

There, I said it. Boy, that felt good- to finally get it out in the open like that! A real weight off my shoulders. Yes, I realize that I don’t ACTUALLY have shoulders. Don’t be a smart-a*rse. That was a metaphor. 

Let’s get realistic: I’m not what I used to be. And that means YOU’RE not what you used to be. So quit trying so hard to be what you used to be! 


It started with that arthroscopic surgery 20 years ago. What a blast that was! Did I forget to thank you for that? BECAUSE I SHOULD REALLY HAVE THANKED YOU FOR THAT. (Yes, knees know what sarcasm is) We had to sit on our a*rse for months after that, and then you basically bailed on the physical therapy – bad idea. Just because you saw a cheap little plastic model of me in the waiting room that day doesn’t mean you KNOW me. I’m very complex! And I deserve to be treated right. But you thought I could just return to work without the proper recovery. 

Wrong! Again! 

Idiot! 

So 10 years go by and I literally carry your sorry a*rse along until finally I can’t take it anymore and I “fail”. That’s what the doctor said: “Your knee failed.” I failed?!?! Like YOU had nothing to do with it?!?! I don’t care how many degrees that guy had on his wall, he got that diagnosis backward. All that cartilage you took out of me in the first operation; all that muscle you lost around me and never bothered getting back; the fact that one of my favorite and most supportive ligaments was now nothing more than a piece of some dead guy’s butt muscle! Oh, but I failed! 

So you had me “reconstructed” and put me right back to work, and 10 years later…Mr. Right Hip started to complain. To quote Gomer Pyle, “Surr-PRISE, Surr-PRISE!!!” 

“Why?” you asked the next doctor. Allow me. It’s because you didn’t take care of ME! And I had to ask Mr. Right Hip for too much help, and after a while he was like, “Hey, what the hell is going on here?” and decided to “fail” you, too. Something about a “torn labrum”. 


So, now what? Replace us? You really think you can just REPLACE us? Well…okay, I guess maybe you can. But it wouldn’t be the same! You would miss us. You’d see. 

So I’ll tell you what you do…idiot. (Okay, sorry about that last “idiot”. Lots of hard feelings here.) First of all, QUIT being an idiot and start doing EXACTLY what that parade of physical therapists has been telling you to do. And KEEP doing it until I and Mr. Right Hip say it’s okay for you to start using us again like we’re all still 23 years old. We are NOT 23 years old anymore - - but we’re also not done yet. So do your bridges and your clams and your wall-sits, because I REALLY want to get back out there and show those 23-year-olds exactly what we’re still capable of. Brats. 

Sincerely, 

Your Right Knee 


Source: Runner's World Mar 2012
I did change the name at the beginning, to get that sense of ownership. I'll also staple this to my fridge as a constant reminder.

There's Nothing Like a Reunion (part 2 out of 2)

What would make me attend this reunion?

There's only one thing that could get me to go to my high school reunion, and it's an ideal that can never be achieved. My initial thoughts were that before I could go, I would need to reach a level of success that would be absolutely devastating to everyone there I hated. But what would that be? Money? A successful career? A sparkling husband? Fame? It would have to be something objectively awesome. Like JK Rowling awesome. Or Sri Mulyani awesome. Or, I’d have to be Angelina Jolie for showing up with Brad Pitt after won an Oscar awesome.

Actually, there are plenty of people I went to old high school with that I have nothing against. Even a bunch I liked. If I were to meet them in an elevator or at a business meeting or hanging out on a park bench, I'd be perfectly happy to catch up. But that's just not incentive enough. 

So really, apologies to all the perfectly lovely people of XX High School, but you're not incentive enough to sit through exposure to the people I never want to see again. 

So in the end, after chatting with some high school friends that I’m still in touched with, I decided to attend the damn thing. Sure it's not all bad. And sure, the downsides were there. However I’m glad I attended the reunion as I get to meet some people that are really nice (by nice, I don’t mean in your face nice but also in your back nice). Well, these friends are worth attending a reunion for. See you next month for the next gathering (even if the gathering will likely involve less than 5 people). I always think it doesn't matter how many friends you have, it’s how many you keep that matters. And, be sure to keep only the ones you can trust.

Want to know what happen to the girl that the bitches bullied to? 

Continuing about these girls from high school, they actually ended up behaving as they were. That's to be expected. The same thing happen. They're still bitching about this lady, who's done no wrong to them. I felt sorry for them, as this girl ended up with a respectable life. She's a high school teacher and married to some doctor. Way to go girl! That my friend, is what I'd say "sweet revenge". Eat that you two face conniving bitches!

There's Nothing Like a Reunion (part 1 out of 2)

The other day I received a Facebook invitation that gave me pause. My boyfriend watched me open it, and sensed something he'd not seen on his girlfriend's face before. Not anger. Or sadness.

"What is that, hon?" He asked.

"An invitation to my high school class reunion get together in a breakfasting event of Ramadhan." I made this choking sound that he'd probably hadn't or never seen before. 

"Are you going?"

"Good lord, I hope I don't have to."

"Why not?

"Well, baby, I can think of at least dozens of reasons off the top of my head"

For some people, high school is the best thing that have ever happened to them. Their days were filled with the so called friends that they truly enjoyed. People who shared their "values" and "sense of humor".

By humor I mean putting others down to make themselves look good. Saying one thing when they actually meant another opposite. Praising this particular girl when they actually bitch about her all year long. Telling bad things about her to others (including me). Well... you know what? I don't want that kind of friend. I'd rather befriended the girl they're bitching about. She's actually done nothing wrong to these girls. Being part of this group I actually felt bad and in no time I decided that I want no part of it.

These high school characters are actually never stay in touch after high school. Enter Facebook. Thanks to Facebook these people that I am particularly fine without are sooo back in my life. Well... great job Facebook. Thanks to you now I have these "wonderful" people back in my life. Thanks to you I have to answer to lots of unwanted friend requests. BF (Before Facebook), I have absolutely no contact with any of them and I'm like totally OK with that. Now I have somewhat like hundreds of unwanted friends (which is impolite for me to reject, since I actually knew them before). I believe some of them referred to me as "arrogant bitch" and yet manage to maintain sweet and friendly face expression when face to face. 

How Lovely!

Next: should I or shouldn't I?

Things People Say (or DON'T SAY) During Awkward Situation

Awkward Situation One
One friend @ work has this tremendously smelly body odor, so some of us took the liberty of putting a deodorant in a plastic bag on his table. The man reacted in the most shocking way: "whose is this?" asking his colleagues while holding the plastic bag. All of us looked at each other rather puzzled not knowing what to say. The guy called the office boy and handed over the deodorant to him. He whispered to one of us while pointing at this innocent guy at the corner: "that guy is smelly, I think he needs that deodorant badly."

Awkward Situation Two
I was talking to an acquaintance during a dinner with my coworkers.  The conversation suddenly bumps into a crossroads and no one knows where or how to spice it.  The silence has extended past the 10-second mark and the awkwardness is increasing exponentially. Worst of all, I was the last person to speak, so everyone thinks the awkwardness is my fault. 

Awkward Situation Three

Your friends have been trying to set you up with this supposedly charming guy and you are totally aware that you are in to him but will never admit in a million years that you've got the hots for him. Ever. The next day you and your friends were on a way to the nearest restaurant and bumps into the guy. He smiled from a far and you totally lost your grip and trip over your flat shoes (seriously). The guy smiled worriedly and came over saying: "kok bisa jatuh sih?" 

Awkward Situation Four

You are in a department store, really really liked this particular bag. You're trying to see whether the price fit your budget. Nope. No price tag. You're looking around to spot the shop assistant. Aha! Must be the plain Jane in the plain white shirt. You look her in the eyes and show her the bag. "Mba, can you help me with this?" The Plain Jane looked furious and answered: "How should I know? I'm also a customer"

After 3 Years, I Decide to Write "about me"

I’m a pretty complicated person, don’t try to understand me. Chances are you’ll be completely wrong. There are so many things that make me who I am, and some you’ll never understand.

Don’t judge me based on what you read or see, you’ll probably end up completely wrong. I’m not going to say I’m different from anyone else you’ll ever meet, because honestly, I’m not.

My music player is my best friend. In terms of music, I’m the weirdest lady you’ll ever meet, plain and simple. I’m me, and that’s something no one else can ever be. I enjoy Belle & Sebastian. On the other side I love Kanye West and his larger than life ego. Male ego tend to attracts me so much more than inferior feeling. 

If we don’t know each other I’ll be extremely shy, but if we’re close there’s a chance you’ll want to sew my mouth shut.

For someone my age, I’ve been through a lot. I believe everything happens for a reason. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and learned from them.

I’m single, and it doesn’t bother me. I’m not looking for that perfect prince charming. I want something, someone real. Even though I’m single, it doesn’t give you the right to flirt with me. Have some respect, yeah?

When it comes to my own problems, I’m very pessimistic. But towards other people's struggles, I’m the most optimistic person in the world.

I have a split personality. I live half my life like I’m seven, and the other half like I’m fifty-seven.

I enjoy raining season, except for my allergy to cold weather.

I am what I am and I don’t care what anyone thinks, if you have a problem with me, then that is your problem.

I feel like I never get enough sleep, and I’m almost always tired.

I love my Samsung Galaxy S and hate (but secretly like my crackberry), and I think that makes me a little bit hypocrite, don't you think? ;)

I stand up for what I believe in, even if it means standing alone.

I’m shy yet outgoing, loud yet quiet. An angel, yet a devil. I’m a walking contradiction.

I hate improper spelling and grammar, I don’t know why but I find it extremely annoying.

I don’t take compliments well, I’m insanely self conscious and I never really believe them when they’re said to me. I tend to be cautious of a very sweet compliment. Afraid that the sweetness will give me diabetes.

In the end, I’m just another person on this planet who’s bound to be forgotten.

You think you’d know me pretty well after reading my "about me", but in all honesty: I’ve barely scratched the surface of ‘about me.’ If you don’t like what you read then sweet, I really couldn’t care less. I really am a nice person in the end, so talk to me. I won’t bite.

Life, take it or leave it, is a bitch. It’s not fair and it never will be.

It's Like Banging Your Head with a Hammer

Why do I keep banging my head with a hammer?

Because it felt so good when I stopped. 

Doesn't mean that I'm a masochist, no sir.

Well, I kinda felt like that yesterday, post of my first experience of participating in a race, well... short distance race that is, approx 5K running. Or should I say, running altered with walking in my case. But I give myself a better credit, not bad for a beginner like me, completing 5K (with no training whatsoever) in approx 38 mins.

For a beginner like me... well... I kinda like myself after wards...  I love me, I love the feeling of completing the race. The relieve feeling, it's like a mind blowing bleeding experience, a good one.

I'm looking forward to experience that feeling once more ...(the pain and the mind blowing relieve).

Sarcasm is a bitch

Sarcasm is beautiful. 

Well.... that's an overstatement, even from me. 

I think sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. Chandler Bing is the king of The Sarcasm Kingdom. While Gregory House is the Prime Minister who runs the daily ops. How bout that for starter?

I admire sarcastic people. I think they're intelligent just not good enough comedian. Life is already funny, so who needs comedians anyway. Sarcastic people has a quick wit, sharp tongue and the ability to extract the second point of weakness into a conversation or a simple comment (bahasa gaulnya 'nyeletuk').

In this case, the lowest form of humor is underrated. I revise my previous statement. Sarcasm is a form of humor. A bitter one if I may say. I'm still in a self learning on how to be better at sarcasm. However if sometimes I manage to throw my own sarcasm people would stare at me blankly or with doe eyes (tatapan nanar). They sometimes think that I'm just being rude, when actually I'm just being "me".

One time I blurted out quite loudly for a table manner during a formal organization congress (after this guy coming down from the podium). "He is amazing. Nobody can deliver a perfectly long speech for the silliest and smallest idea. How cool is that?!" I remember the people at my table were staring angrily at me, like I was some kind of witch, or a bitch maybe.

I Laughed, Astonished, and Laughed a Lot More: Fringe and Other Underrated Shows

Don't you find it annoying when you're talking about something and nobody seems to be aware of what you're talking about? Especially when you're talking about some TV show that you really-really enjoy watching.

Seem that you're the only one in your circle that is watching the show. Hmmmm.... I find it sad. I'm anxious - if not dying - to talk about my following addictions (according to my very own personal rating).

I. Fringe - I laughed, astonished and giggled

Before I watch it, I never thought i would like Fringe. I didn't enjoy the X-Files (Sci Fi show, also JJ Abrams' creation). I've been watching it since it first aired and I'm glad I did. Now I can't stop wandering what's going happen next. It's my new addiction. show

Woooow. Is the first thing i said when I watch the first episode of Fringe. At the beginning i thought this show wasn't going to be interesting but when you start watching you get caught by the exciting episodes, the wonderful experiments and the great characters. I think that there aren't other actors who can play Olivia and Peter. I think both of them and Walter Bishop the "mad scientist" are hilarious. John Noble really give it a twist. This is an edgy show that you'll enjoy while you have the courage to watch (as you may become a Fringe Junkie like me).

Luckily Fox decided to extend this show, proven by the skyrocketing rating (become 3rd most anticipated show after "the big bang" and ). So.... it's not actually overrated. The premise of an "alternate universe" is just too irresistible.

Oh, and here's my fave quote of the show (I just adore the Bishops - both father and son).

Peter Bishop: How's it going, Walter?

Dr. Walter Bishop: I plan to urinate in 23 minutes.

Peter Bishop: Good to know.

Dr. Walter Bishop: I'm telling you because I'm going to need help unzipping my fly.

II. Castle ... I hope and I laughed

I was surprised at how much I love Castle. I love the interaction between Beckett and Castle, and between Castle and his mother and daughter. Some murder shows take themselves too seriously and get too gory/gross. Castle has a few graphic images, but in general the tone stays fairly light. Just right for watching after a long day at work.



Nathan Fillion shines as Richard Castle in this show. His quirky behavior is endearing. I must say, this role seems to be written just for him. The writing for this show is great. I was worried this show might get "the axe" like "Life", so glad it's sticking for a third season. The rating is actually good, so not exactly underrated.


III. Jericho .. I'm amazed and surprised.

Was heartbroken when I heard it was canceled and ecstatic when the fans helped CBS change their minds to at least give this show a "proper ending". I recommended this to some friends and they love it. It's refreshing to watch a show like this, that's never been done before and see things that unfortunately in today's day and age aren't that far fetched to possibly happen here someday.


It's refreshing to see someone touch on something new because I too care less to see anymore Crime Scene Investigations, one more reality show or new spin off of some stupid game show. Still mourning.


IV. The Mentalist & Life - I surrender for broken men (as usual)

I already did a post on both shows before, but maybe a hint the Mentalist, since Life is dead...

The Mentalist might be compared with NBC's "Life." Although The Mentalist's Patrick Jane is not nearly as quirky as Life's Charlie Crews, both are driven to find out who killed people once close to them. In Jane's case, his wife and daughter were shot by a serial killer he had disparaged during his phony psychic days.


Simon Baker, as we quickly see, is capable of carrying the load. Jane is a clever blend of characters he played on "The Guardian" and "Smith." This role is tailor-made for Baker, who has a flair for playing irreverent characters who are crucial to the success of the system even as they tweak its authority figures. As a detective/consultant with above average observational powers, Simon Baker manages to be both playful and haunted - a neat trick. The fun of the show is in seeing the world through his eyes.

I'm hoping The Mentalist will stick for more and not be in the same fate as Life :'(

Crushed: Blackest Version of Medina

Have you ever seen the face of betrayal?

Have you ever seen the face of a betrayed person?

Have you ever feel betrayed? Badly betrayed.

Have you ever feel everyone's been doing whatever they like without Virna Medina in mind? Like Virna Medina is invisible. Like Virna Medina is just this device or tool they're using to fulfill their needs.

Well I have now, to all of the above.

http://www.parallellinesmn.com/photos/erica/Betrayal.jpg

Feels like I’m hitting rock bottom where I find no one to trust, no one to rely on but me, trying to hang on to whatever left of me.

Desperation is not my style, but I can't help feeling like it when betrayed.

This hatred inside me is so strong.

This urge to kill and destroy whatever I laid eyes on.

No more Ms. Nice Girl, clearly Ms. Nice Girl it's not working.

http://divyanovel.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/anger2-747499.jpg

God help me, I need to apply drastic measure now.

The Coffee Mug Ballad

I have this favorite mug that I use at work.
Each morning, this mug represents the first activity I do at work.

A year ago, it was this blue taller but slimmer mug.
I used to fill it with my tubruk coffee (Singa brand of course).


I remember approximately one year ago when this person (a lady colleague) was caught using my blue mug and I went ballistic. Clearly, she'd never expect to find me so freak out before.
I undergo a radical change from a normal person into this witch lady.


I have this problem with someone using my coffee mug (at work).
If they have no mug, instead of lending them mine, I would buy them a new one instead.

And today, during my leave (to study for this particular tryout tomorrow), someone reported that this person (a particular male species) planned to use my Orange Coffee Mug.


Luckily, our Office Boy prevented him from using it, mentioning that I will be infuriated if I ever found out. Yeah... I am this crazy, paranoid lady when it comes to my possessions, especially my coffee mug.

LEAVE MY COFFEE MUG ALONE!

Patching Code: #02112009

Me. Humanoid, beta version. Need an update. Need to be patched.

Nature send a certain code, a certain strain of update.

Finally. Patching will lead to perfection.
Finally... a hint of pain surface.



Hate it, hence it's inevitable.
Helpless but not hopeless.

Patching will lead to perfection.
Enter.

Humanoid, Beta Version

Here I am, staring at this blank page.

Mindless, I am not.

Not knowing what to write, when I've got so much to tell.

Not knowing what to share, when so much had happened.

Not knowing what to hear, when so many sounds are played.

Not knowing how to tell, when so many words are ready to be spoken.

Not knowing how to act, when I'm playing so many parts.

Not knowing how to see, when I visualize them oh so vividly it hurts.

Mindless, I am not.

Just being myself, my old self, my human self, my limited self, my weak self... with both hands in my head.

Me. Humanoid, beta version. Need an update. Need to be patched.